Toto, I don't think we're at Seventeen anymore...

And the stories begin... Yesterday saw the start of my job as Boob Looker-Upper Extraordinaire, i.e. FHM Mobile intern. If you don't know (considering none of you are 20-year-old guys, you probably don't), FHM is a men's magazine that used to be published in the States as well, but folded there a year or two ago. It's technically men's "lifestyle": it covers technology, video games, movies, style, funny stuff. Oh, and girls. But that's actually why I use the term "lifestyle" with quotations--unless there is a common lifestyle that involves surrounding oneself with naked women all day, I'd say this is more of a "fantasy" magazine. Anyway, I'm working for the Mobile division, which is actually just one guy, my boss. He works sort of alongside the web department, and I'll probably be doing some stuff for them too.

So, first day. Didn't start off on the best foot because I left a few minutes later than I had intended, tripped on the walk to the Tube, and realized I forgot to bring directions to the building. Woops. Luckily, I pretty much remembered from the last time. I just walked past the Topshop, toward the Marks & Spencer. There is so much good shopping near me, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. There's also a McDonald's across the street, which is definitely a bad thing.

My boss, Mal, showed me around when I got there, peppering his sentences with the word "fuck" more times than I've ever heard another person say it. Until later that day, when I realized everyone says it a million times an hour. It's set up like a newsroom, all the desks together. The atmosphere is much louder and rowdier than at Seventeen. I saw some other dirty magazines hanging around and smirked... oh, if only I knew what was in store.

The whole thing is nothing like Hearst. The kitchen isn't this super-nice room with an awesome coffee maker; actually, I think I need to bring my own coffee if I want to make some. Yeah. It's pretty much all men, too. There is a small handful of women, but I'd say it's a 3:1 ratio. This is perfectly fine, but I was kind of dressed up on the first day (not dressed up for a normal job, but it's very casual here -- jeans and sneakers are normal). I knew I was overdressing a bit, but it was the first day and I wanted to look nice. The problem is, I was the only person in the whole office wearing heels, so when I walked down the hallway, the loud "clack, clack, clack" seemed to resonate through the office. So the whole "inconspicuous intern" thing didn't really work.

I got my first assignment: putting together some text about some hot celebs. Some of it was stuff I got from other sections of the website, but I wrote some of it myself, too. It was an interesting style shift -- my mindset was, "OK, I'm a bro. I'm a dude. Sex. Beer. Huh. Burp. Tits, man." I basically tried to turn everything into a, "Yeah, and she's hot, too!" thing. My second assignment felt a little more pervy. I needed to find sexy pictures of celebs, but not "classy" sexy. Nudity was a plus. So, I had to scour the web for screenshots of nude scenes in movies. Basically, soft-core porn.

Day 2 was similar. I was flipping through one of the magazines and landed on the joke section. I thought this was was pretty funny... in an "oh, boys" kind of way:

What kind of bee makes milk?
A boo-bee!

I had a bunch of uploading projects to do, but perhaps the most interesting (and definitely the most R-rated) was uploading content from the "High Street Honeys" section of the website to the Mobile site (it has to be reformatted for phones). These are all pictures that wannabe Glamour Models (topless models) send in, posing in underwear... or not underwear. I had to resize and edit out the ones that showed nipple because you can't send that over a phone, apparently. So what did you do at work today? Don't worry, I did tamer stuff too, like uploading movie reviews. That focused on things blowing up and hot girls.

Again, lots of cursing in the office, including some fun British words that made me giggle at my desk: shite, wanker, bullocks. How beautiful the English language is. I also actually talked to some people sitting around me today. Yay, friends! Haha.

XOX

Mamma Mia! Wait, Literally (Rome, Day 4)

I started the day, one again, with a triple espresso (oh, how I miss those now) and we took a scenic route up to a museum that Alice wanted to see. There were some really pretty views of Rome on the way up.


I was kind of bored in the museum – I think I’m just museumed-out for a little bit – but we did take some pictures with pieces of a huge statue of Constantine.


We got lunch near the Spanish Steps and then got some more good gelato (yay!) to sit and eat with the other 928,292 tourists sitting on the Steps. I actually didn’t mind that it was so crowded; that made it kind of cool. All I had ever heard was that they were overrated, so I wasn’t expecting much at all and they ended up being cooler than I thought. It was pretty from the top, too (the last picture).


At this point we were pretty much done with everything on our List, and we were all kind of tired, so we didn’t feel like trekking off to the other end of the city to see something else. While we were sitting around figuring out what to do, we saw a group of kids our age driving around on a five-person bike. It was set up like a car with a steering wheel, but everyone (except whoever’s in the bitch seat in the back) has to pedal. It looked absolutely ridiculous, but fun (in a ridiculous way), so we decided to rent one for an hour.

First, though, I had to sign some waiver in Italian that I’m pretty sure freed them of liability if we died. Great. Should have been more seriously as a warning. It was actually hard to pedal and very hard to steer, as the sidewalks weren’t quite wide enough and there were always hordes of people walking down them. There are also dips and curbs and the sidewalk cuts off, but driving in the street isn’t really a great option because Europeans drive like they’ve got a hit out on everyone in the street. There aren’t actually too many crosswalks with walk/don’t walk signs and corresponding traffic lights in Rome; you just sort of run when there’s a break in traffic. Really. So, we almost died/killed people on several occasions.

When we started out, we were having trouble maneuvering through a tight spot to get onto the sidewalk. Some taxi drivers were standing around laughing at us, but one of them came over to help. He was giving us directions and trying to tell us what to do in Italian, which was pretty funny, because he can’t possibly have thought we knew what he was saying. At one point in this disaster, he actually said “mamma mia!” It was too perfect. When we got on our way, a lot of people thought we were very funny. We were a tourist attraction in ourselves. A lot of people laughed, a few took pictures, and some got annoyed because we almost ran them over. My friend Carrie would look out at some people as we passed, put up her arms, and go, “AY!” It was hysterical, but I think she creeped a few people out. A few guys thought they were funny and put up a hitchhiking finger. It was the most fun thing we did on the trip, just because it was so nuts and we were laughing so hard, looking like idiots.

More Jesus and the Mafia (Rome, Day 3)

Started out the day with coffee again, of course. This was another funny moment. The guy behind the counter asked where I was from (I think possibly in Italian), and I told him “America.” “America! America?” he asked, so I elaborated. “New York.” “Uh, pizza spaghetti linguine,” he answered back. OK, not really, but he said something to these two other guys in Italian and I didn’t understand, and then the Italian guy next to me starts talking to me – in Italian. The only thing I understood was that he was telling me I should go to Sicily. Then he said something to the other guys, and all I heard was the word “mafioso,” so I laughed and nodded my head. “Yeah, I’m from Jersey, I know.” I don’t know that they understood that, but whatever.


Carrie, Darah, and I (who were staying in the hostel) met up with Alice (my roommate) and Ashley at the Piazza di Popolo (the obelisk there – one of about a bajillion in Rome, because Romans thought the Greeks had some kind of special wisdom or something – is above) and walked down the Via di Corso. There were a few McDonaldses (McDonaldsi?) in the city, and they all had signs nearby telling you how to get to them. Sort of spoiled the mood. That led us to the Pantheon, which was, for me, the coolest thing we saw in Rome. It’s just this very old, imposing building, and even though it’s dirty and kind of falling apart, it still has this aura of grandness and prominence. The inside was pretty cool too (it’s where Rafael is buried, and the dome is very big), but the outside just sort of made me go, “woah.”


When we came outside, there were some people filming a movie in the square. It was Italian, so nobody we recognized was in it. Then, as if I hadn’t hung out with Jesus enough, we went on a little Church tour. We saw two: the Church of Jesu (Jesu Church?), which was the first Jesuit Church; and Sant’Ignazio Di Loyola, which was built to commemorate the guy who founded the Jesuits. I basically chilled with Jesus all weekend, so we’ll be trading BFF friendship bracelets soon. On a more secular note, we also walked through Piazza Navona, another touristy area where there are some shops and restaurants. Pictures below, including one with a Pinocchio wannanbe (Pinocchio was carved in an Italian village -- so, not Rome, but maybe close).


The Trevi Fountain was next. A lot of people say this is overrated, but I still thought it was pretty. Of course, it was overwhelmed by tourists, but I didn’t really mind as long as they weren’t getting in the way of my pictures. We threw pennies (or euro-coins) and made wishes. Not really sure if that’s something you do there, but when in Rome… (OK, that phrase doesn’t really work there, but Darah and I were dying to find an appropriate moment to say that).


Finally at the Trevi we managed to get good gelato. We got some at some chain the first night called Blue Ice. You can tell by the name it’s not going to be good. There was better stuff here, though. Yummy… ooh I miss it. Might have to go to Ferrara’s when I get home (Mom? Dad?).

The group split up for a little rest, so we grabbed dinner to take back with us. We were in a very authentic Italian mood, so we got… Burger King. I know, good choice. There was also a little jewelry/accessories place we stopped in to get some souvenirs. :)

Baruch Ata… I mean, Hail Mary? (Rome, Part 2)

On Thursday we met up outside the Vatican to take a guided tour. It was weird to get there because Rome only has two Metro lines, and they only cover a portion of the city. Anyway, I stopped in a café first, of course, to order espresso. The cafés in Rome are interesting… I guess they’re not the standard sit-down cafés, which they have too. They're like "snack bars." You order your food and drink at the counter and eat/drink it there. I did this every morning at different places. Here, I ordered a triple espresso. They have regular coffee, which they call "American" coffee, too, which I thought was kind of funny because none of the coffee we drink actually comes from the States, but rather Columbia and France. Anyway, this guy seemed surprised that I was ordering a triple and tried to tell me it would be too strong. Ha. Alright, mister, you just sit back and watch how a pro does it. Not that it's really so much – the shots in Europe are like half-shots in the US.

The tour of the Vatican was really interesting because our tour guide gave us lots of background we wouldn't have known otherwise. For example, the name "Vatican" comes from a Pagan prophesying ritual. We walked through the museums and saw lots of stuff by Raphael and Michelangelo, including Rafael's tapestry reproduction of The Last Supper, Transfiguration of Christ, and Adorazione dei Magi, (Adoration of the Magi).


There were lots of sculptures, a lot of which are pretty famous, I guess. None of them have body hair, though, which was something I had noticed before on some sculptures and in paintings, and I always thought that was weird, because from what the media says, this whole aversion to body hair we have going on now is a new thing, thanks to porn stars and manscaping. The Romans' reasons for not having hair were a little different. The way they used to bathe was to cover themselves in olive oil and scrub with a pomus stone. Then, they’d use metal to scrape off all the oil and dirt, and the hair would come with it. Here's Hermes, who, as a sculpture, has "perfect proportions," according to our guide:


There were also some frescoes by this guy named Fabulous. I guess it was a pretty common name back then for Romans. He was so good that the Emperor decided that whenever he liked something, he would call it “fabulous.”

Despite what I might have thought going in, there was no reason for me to be a scared Jew afraid of smiting. The Sistine Chapel was actually decorated with the theme of unity between Christianity and Judaism, and for that reason there are images from the Old Testament on the ceiling too. It was painted soon after Jews were expelled from a bunch of European countries, so this was done as a way to reach out. So Michelangelo had a pretty big job to do, painting all these frescoes for the walls and ceiling. Especially because he had never actually painted a fresco before. It’s a really difficult and precise thing, and because of the methods used with the plaster, messing up one part means you have to start over. Before he began working on the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo had some friends come in for three days to show him how fresco-painting worked. Then he sent them off and made this:


You’re not supposed to take pictures in there, but what are they gonna do? Probably send me to hell – but hey, I’m Jewish, I was going there anyway. Another interesting tidbit: before about 1990, the chapel was lit only by candlelight. This damaged the paintings and they became really dark. So, if you were there before the early/mid 90s, you saw something very different than I did. They’ve cleaned it up, but they left a few patches of dirt so you can see the difference. Oh, and also, Michelangelo never signed his work, but it turns out he did have a way of marking it. If you look closely at the eyes of the people in his painting (which, obviously, we can’t do in the Sistine Chapel), he left his fingerprint in all of them.


We checked out St. Peter’s Basilica (above) and then got pizza nearby. It was OK. Here’s the thing about Rome: before I went, my friend Mariel (who’s Italian and from New York) told me I’d be disappointed with the food, because it’s geared toward tourists and tastes like bad New York Italian food. She was right. I mean, the food wasn’t bad – I’ve certainly had much worse (hem hem, Boston) – but I’ve had much better.

After lunch, we walked past the Coliseum again (we walked past it about a million times), along with all the guys dressed up as gladiators who charge you €10 to take a picture with them. We went to the Palatine, which is where the Roman Forum is. It was really pretty. Lots of “ancient shit,” as we got used to saying.


On the way back to the hostel for a nap, we stopped at a food place and got some bad pastries and wine. We “rested” and then met up for dinner. Right near the place we ate was an arcade called “Atlantic City,” so I got excited about my Jerseyness. Had fettuccine bolognese for dinner (which I had most nights; the pasta choices without fish were limited).

We went out to a bar that night where there were a lot of American tourists and some Italian guys, on the prowl. The problem is, with the language barrier, the only message that seemed to get through was “Want to go to disco?” I did get to use my Spanish, though, because it’s similar to Italian. Always happy to break that out, even though I haven’t taken a class in years and my grammar is horrible. Like I said, though, there were a lot of Americans too because it was clearly a “touristy” bar. There was even a painting on the ceiling.

When in Rome... (Day 1)

Bongiorno! Back from Roma and happy to be around people who speak English again. I had such an amazing time and have about a bajillion pictures, so this is going to be a multi-post and I'll update around classes (my Shakespeare class -- the third one I've taken, so I've already read all of the plays -- starts today) and work (which starts on Wednesday). So, Day 1:

We got up at about 4am because we had an early flight from an airport outside of London. You can get cheaper plane tickets if you're willing to schlep out of the city, so we took a bus from Victoria Station in London to Stansted Airport to catch a cheap-o Ryanair flight. Obviously, this is not the best way to start a day, especially when I'm functioning on no coffee (i.e. not functioning), and we had some trouble at the airport. I went with four other girls and three of us decided to share a suitcase to save money (yeah, they charged you for checked luggage), but the weight limit is really low and we ended up having to carry a lot of it. Then, walking through security, the little beepy thing went off when I walked through the gate. And beeping gives them the right to molest you. So, I got a nice full-body rub down that I definitely could have done without. Also hoped that this wasn't an omen that I'd be sold into the sex trade while abroad and turn into one of those stories they tell the BU London kids before break: "Last summer, a girl got her passport stolen in Prague. And then in the spring, a girl got her body stolen in Rome."

Everything was OK; they didn't find the WMD in my underwear. We boarded the airplane (this high-class airline doesn't have assigned seating, so it's a mad dash for the spot you want) and I slept(ish) most of the way. At one point there was a nice view of the Swiss Alps (which we saw again on the way back), and there were some pretty Italian towns, too.


The hostel was the next scare. Turns out the hostel we booked was in the Chinatown of Rome, and the building was really sketchy and graffitied. The stairwell was dirty and gross, the elevator looked like a mini Tower of Terror, and the check-in guy was creepy. We were silently cracking up, trying to formulate and exit plan, but our room turned out to be really nice. There was even a bidet in the bathroom. The shower was like the kind the have in hospitals, and you had to sit to use it, but that was more funny than annoying.

Then we met up at the Coliseum (two of the five of us were staying in a hotel). There was miscommunication, so the other two girls ended up taking a guided tour while I gave my own tour to the other girls I was with: "That is where the Emperor's daughter played jump-rope; those are the pillars that the Roman girls sold candy from; that empty soda cup on the ground is actually the Soda Cuppy Romana. Very famous."


After a nap, we went back to see it at night before going to a little bar in Campo di Fiori where we got drinks in giant pitchers.

An Eye on the City

The few days leading up to Rome were pretty mundane because of finals. I had a boring weekend in, even though I didn't really have to study, because I was sick and wanted to rest up before my trip. I only ventured out of the Crofton (my dorm) twice. The first time was Saturday evening, when I tried to get some more nighttime cough medicine but Boots was closed (ugh, I hate not having a 24-hr pharmacy). At least that night a few of us made a cake and decorated it with pink stuff for Valentine's Day (or rather, I made the cake and we all decorated a slab). On Sunday I schlepped to the laundromat. There used to be one right around the corner, but yay for us, it closed. And this new laundromat sucks. I spent 12 quid and my clothes were still wet. Some people have their clothes washed for them, and that's only 10 pounds, but I feel a little sketchy about a stranger touching my underwear. Oh, I also attempted to get medicine again that day, so I went to the pharmacy counter at Sainsbury's (a supermarket). While I was waiting, I saw an STD awerness poster that was a photograph of a woman, from her stomach to her thighs, wearing underwear that said "I have ghonorrea." I actually saw an an ad like this in the previews at the movie theater. It's pretty funny. But this woman was getting really angry and complained to the pharmacy people that it was "outrageous." I was trying not to laugh and it made me forget what I came for when the pharmacist asked.

Monday and Tuesday were finals, but now that they're over (phew!) we get to have fun again! My roommate and I did some fun touristy stuff here in London when we finished. First, we went to the Victoria and Albert museum. The most exciting thing there was a fashion exhibit, where they had a bunch of dresses and outfits through the years. There were some things from the 1800s, but there were also some modern-day outfits... like a Juicy Couture tracksuit. Seriously. They had Juicy sweats on display. Weirder still was a dress made out of bras:


We stopped for "dinner" at a frozen yogurt place called "Snog," mostly because we liked the name. It was a lot like Pinkberry -- actual yogurt, frozen. Eh. The name was still cute.


Then we zipped over to the London Eye. It's like a huge Ferris Wheel that goes really slow, and instead of seats there are little rooms. There was a really pretty view of London, especially Westminster Abbey and Big Ben.




And now, off to Rome at 4:30am tomorrow! Ciao!